scottsimpson.net

it’s condescention versus humility

July 29th, 2004

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So I’m kind of starting to wonder what’s up with people. Hummers, Segway scooters, the INDUCE Act, Al Sharpton, six-shot Grande Peppermint Mochas… will the madness ever end?

There is no reason for anyone without face paint and a gun to have a Hummer H2. Crossing mighty rivers to get to work? Take the bridge. I saw one of these things when I was in San Francisco. You try parking a military-spec vehicle in the City. I saw another when I went up to Camp Wolfeboro last weekend … parked at the top of the hill. Apparently the road (which is perfectly navigable by anything but a Carmen Ghia) looked too rough for their shiny orange monstrosity.

Apparently someone has started using the Segway Scooter (’electric ass-mover’) for Polo games. Why? WHY!? No one should have one of these things either. Watch them start using Razor Scooters in Football and see if that makes sense.

I can’t talk about the INDUCE Act without getting angry, so I won’t.

Al Sharpton is a nutjob. I saw a rerun of part of his speech to the Democratic National Convention (Can anyone who calls themself Reverend actually be a Democrat? Interesting… doesn’t it kind of violate the church/state division if the clergy is active in politics?) and upon seeing it, I realized it must be incredibly annoying to call the Sharpton household:

[ring]
Hello?
HELLO! THIS IS THE REVEREND AL SHARPTON!!
Um, Hi, I was calling for Mike.
MICHAEL? AS IN THE ARCHANGEL MICHAEL WHO DESCENDED FROM HEAVEN…
No, Mike my friend. I think I have the wrong…
THE BIBLE IS NOT WRONG!
I’ll be hanging up now…
HANGING? ARE YOU THREATENING ME? ARE YOU PRESSURING ME TO VOTE FOR THE REPUBLICANS? OUR VOTES ARE NOT FOR SALE!
Goodbye.
WHY HAVE YOU TURNED YOUR BACK ON…
[click]

As the snarky bumpersticker says, “It’s not God I have a problem with … it’s his fan club”

As I waited for my drink to be made this morning, reflecting on the Chai goodness of which I was about to partake, the guy in line in front of me stepped forward to get his drink. He knew he was next, which I think everyone that pays attention to the Barista knows, yet they still call out your name and what you got even though you’re standing right there. Anyway, the guy got a Grande Six-shot Peppermint Mocha. Six shots of espresso. That’s six ounces of espresso in a sixteen-ounce drink. Nearly 40% espresso. No one needs to be that wired. Mathematically considered, it takes about two shots [of espresso...:p] to get me going in the morning, be it of straight espresso (when I’m feeling particularly Continental) or mixed in some kind of sugary elixir), and I’m (unfortunately) edging toward 200lbs (couldn’t be the Starbucks or In-N-Out…couldn’t be!), so if this guy takes 6 shots, he either weighs close to 600lbs (making him about the densest person I’ve seen) or he has some kind of severe neurotransmitter reuptake disorder. Plus that’s a lot of diuretic in the morning.

And then there was the time I asked for a Chai Latte with an extra shot of chai. How did it come? With an extra shot of espresso. You don’t mix coffee and tea, people … it was so bad. Got a drink coupon out of that one.

Even after that little tirade, I’m still trying to figure out why people buy some of the stuff they do. I look at it like this:

There’s stuff that people buy to save money (Kirkland Signature brand, WalMart Clothes, cheap gas, cheap coffee, etc.) These are fine with me as long as they’re not passed off as something they aren’t. (i.e. Calvin Klyne or some knockoff WalMart brand)

Stuff people buy

Premium products (Starbucks, Levenger, BMW, Apple, Abercrombie, Hollister, Banana Republic, Alienware Computers, stuff like that) that people pay extra for because they feel like it (like yours truly) but can’t actually justify the cost aside from the ‘I want it’ factor. Bad materialist American, yeah, fine, whatever, my computer looks better and my fountain pen rocks your BIC.

Things people don’t need (Sharper Image stuff, Lilian Vernon nonsense, Skymall crap). The purchas of this stuff never ceases to amaze me. Does anyone need a tan-thru swim suit? A rechargeable nose hair trimmer? (if you need to use it so often that you have to take it with you, you have a problem. Maybe look into waxing? Or not… [shudder])

I suppose it goes to the Poverty Effect in economic theory… people below a certain income level buy useless stuff in droves (i.e. trailer-people with three big-wheels for two kids) or people that have little taste want to show off how cool they are by impressing their friends with their carbon-steel rechargable rotary nosehair trimmer. (something that ought not be used in front of any friends you value)

And ten bonus points to anyone who knows what song the title of this post comes from, without using a search engine.

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